The sad truth

At the heart I am a very joyous person. I am reserved most of the time but charismatic and loud when I need to be or when the mood is right. But the one determining factor that sends my day one way or another is that along with more than 20 million other Americans I have a depressive disorder. Not the can't ever get out of bed and in constant pain with soreness or numbness depression. Actually I think mine is much more obnoxious because it leaves me short tempered and almost temperamental at times. I wish there was less of a stigma about this. I wish that people know that a lot of times I don't speak up it because as soon as I say something out loud I wonder why I did, I am embarrassed that I would even think to say it out loud- that my friends probably all think I am really weird, and will probably never call again. This dark cloud attacks and consumes my thoughts, i hear a whooshing, my face gets hot and I need an escape, I am taken over by a need to cry. And boy do I cry. A friend in high school once told me that if I was a superhero, my power would be to cry. I keep a kayak on hand because I could probably LITERALLY cry a river.

I recognize this bit of myself in others, but I would be so embarrassed if I knew more people recognized it in me. I hope one day the thinking will change, I am a completely normal girl, 98% of the time. I work, I go to school, I craft (a lot), I dance around in my underwear, I laugh ( more than I cry) and I enjoy life.

I hope you do too!